It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
