have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
