Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
