the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
handjob tips. give me some.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
