good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
