and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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