Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
