Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
