Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
