omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
