I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
