Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
