Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
