NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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