my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
