We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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