Non-Jews are for practice
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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