So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
third nipple confirmed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
