tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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