one might say we're banned from that church
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
