Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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