$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
