If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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