i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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