you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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