fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
