Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
