it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
