Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
