Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
