I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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