Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
