I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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