Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
