Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
