we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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