I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
