Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
