last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
