he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Randomize
