At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
worst night to have a conscience
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
