Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
