i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
