he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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