I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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