Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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