Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
