Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
