White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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