You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
